How many years would I get for...?

Of course I am not going to harm my children, but omigoodness!!! So Thursday is laundry day. I am upstairs doing laundry listening to sounds of Dora echoing up the stairs. I get a load in the washer and am thinking about how much I love my new 4 compartment laundry basket that rolls. As I go downstairs to tackle the breakfast dishes humming "we did it, we did it" I am met by a sight that would make any mom's skin crawl (I'm still shaking from the adreline rush). My 2 year old is standing in the middle of the living room shaking a cup full of milk making it "rain" all around him. He's soaking wet and as I run to stop him it's like one of those scenes out of a bad horror flick- I see the couch with milk spinkles all over it, then pan to the kids table with milk dripping down the legs onto the carpet, then to the blurry pic of Dora and Boots on the tv (blurry b/c the screen is covered with dripping milk) then to the almost empty gallon of milk sitting in a puddle on a chair, and finally to the boss behind it all--Hannah my sweet 4 year old who knows I know...

"Mom, I'm sorry I'm sorry. It wasn't me, it was Jared. I didn't do anything."

My expression must have been terrifying because she kept coming up with excuses, and backing away. I am proud of myself, though, b/c in a relatively calm voice I say,

"Hannah where do we drink the milk?"

"In the kitchen," comes the timid reply.

"That's right, now go to your room and sit on your bed until I get there." (that one was not so calm)

"Jared you go to your room, too. We do not (I couldn't even think what to call it) splash milk all over the living room (is the best I could come up with) we drink our milk at the table."

Now you have to understand Jared rarely gets in trouble and most of the time it is because of his siblings (mostly his sister) so he is way confused about what go to your room even means. So I walk him up the stairs, stop to spank Hannah because she is in the playroom instead of her room, and then take off his milk-soaked clothes and put him on his bed saying,

"You are in time-out stay on your bed until Mommy comes to get you."

He just started crying, but he has stayed. I went downstairs to clean up fulling expecting to be followed, but they must have known that I mean business. I felt like crying a little as I mopped up the milk from everywhere- really everywhere. Then I vacuumed up the oreos (guess I found why she got the milk out in the first place). I am still debating cleaning the carpet. Then I went upstairs and decided to blog it to help me calm down, and who knows maybe it will be funny someday. The thing that gets me the most is how fast they were able to create such havoc. I literally took the clothes out of the dryer, put them on my bed, put the clothes from the washer into the dryer, started it, added laundry soap to the washer, went to roll my cool laundry basket to the laundry room, loaded the washer and started it. Maybe I went a little slower because I was in a really good mood. HA!

Okay I am significantly calmer, it is time to go release them from solitary. I don't even know what kind of punishment to implement. I am thinking that Hannah is no longer allowed to get food without asking, but is that enough? And Jared is still probably not sure why Mom stopped all the fun in the first place. And do you know who I really blame for this? HOLLYWOOD. Yep, have you seen that stupid paper towel commercial where that kid accidently sprays his mom with orange soda? And then she squirts him with the water from the sink? Yea- fun- but do they show how long it takes to clean up that mess? yea your paper towels are absorbant, but the little puddle you show in the commercial is nothing compared to the mess the "FUN" mom and her son just made. I mean really what are we teaching our kids?! What? I could just not let my kids watch tv? Huh, hadn't thought of that.
Okay I'm off to be the bad cop (there is no good cop today) wish me luck!